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|Tuesday, February 15th, 2005|
Okay, so I know I hardly ever update this fool thing, for the eminently sensible reason that there's really not much to say most of the time. Today, however, I got my first acceptance letter to grad school. I'm a little surprised, because it's from the University of Wisconsin's sociology department, which I had figured would be something of a longshot because (a) if it's not ranked number one in the country right now, it was when my guidebook was printed, and (b) I thought my statement of purpose made it pretty clear I'd rather be doing cultural anthropology or history. Not that I'm complaining, of course. On the whole, it is one hell of a relief to know that I'll actually have something useful to do next fall. That still leaves six more schools, plus the Fulbright folks, who have "recommended" me, but won't make the final decision until as late as June.
That's all til I know more.
|Monday, August 18th, 2003|
|And away we go
My suitcases and I have lingered long enough in this blessed / accursed (as if there were any real difference between the two) refuge, the Grove of the Furies. Since however I have no king of Athens to witness my departure, my looks like I'll have to do it myself. Aren't you glad I'll be leaving all my books behind? Did I have any last words? Yeah, as follows: "Kristina, send me an email. I forgot what your address is. Well, I remember what it is, but I always forget which vowels are missing in it." I know, I really should've come up with something better. On the subject of missing vowels, though, here's perhaps a better set, my first Czech insult: strc prst skrz krk. I really wish I had made that one up myself. Maybe they should borrow some vowels from the Hungarians, who frankly have more than any language really needs. But I digress. Sufficed to say, you kids have fun with Dubya and Ahnold, hope the country's still where I left it when I get back.
|Sunday, May 4th, 2003|
|Friday, March 14th, 2003|
|Saturday, March 8th, 2003|
I think we've lost cabin pressure. More on the gorey details later.
|Sunday, February 2nd, 2003|
|Tuesday, January 21st, 2003|
|Its that time again...
Yeah, that's right, freaky dream time. Here we go: It starts with me in a biology lab, being taught by the same guy who taught the one biology class that i gotl ess than an A in (A-), and for some reason, has huge blue windows, an extremely high ceiling, and seems to be in a spherical building. Anyhow, the prof passes out these little glass jars, about the size and shape of those ones caviar comes in, if that helps any. So I open it up, and its crammed full of these tiny preserved cats. I took one out and put it in a little tray, like we were instracted to do so, and after a while it started moving and mewwing again, at first just twitching, and then getting up an moving about. I remember we had some other critters to work with, maybe rats or fetal pigs, and then we went and did somethign somewhere else for a while, and when we came back i discovered that my lab partner had forgotten to take the initial temperature of the cat and so we had to do the whole thing over again. For some reason I wasn't so much irritated by this but scared, I guess I didn't want to awaken another cat.
So, yeah. freaky.
And did i mention the one about the giant time-travelling evil bunny rabbit. He saved my life. Current Mood: crazy
|Thursday, January 2nd, 2003|
|Wednesday, January 1st, 2003|
|And so it begins
Well, its a new year by the solar calendar, more or less. Anno Domini 2003. Maybe *your* lord, at any rate. Numerologically, its a pretty lame one, except for tomorrow, 01-02-03. But as I've been reflecting, it occurs to me that this next year reeks of significance for me and all my close peers. You can only follow so many paths in life, we've all got to choose our place to carve out against life's storm winds, and I think that for most of us this year will weigh more than many in that decision, by choice our otherwise. I guess it's getting time to answer that question that plagues all of us:
Who are you?
Or, perhaps better-
Who do you want to be?
Thus, I offer the following words from Tennyson:
Come, my friends.
'T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down;
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Happy New Years, you weirdoes! Current Mood: drunk
|Saturday, December 28th, 2002|
|A Terrifying Truth
I think that quite possibly (sorry, guys) all my friends might just be as boring as I am.
|Wednesday, December 25th, 2002|
|I think this may be a cry for help
A Cautionary Fable:
JHabinek: so, many years ago
WebOfThorns: do go on...
JHabinek: the dark lord sauron crafted great and powerful servers
JHabinek: three he gave to the hackers, oldest and wisest of the cybernauts
JHabinek: seven he gave to the corporate kings, who dug deep moral caverns in their quest for riches
JHabinek: and nine he gave to the everquest players, who desire nothing more than virtual power
JHabinek: of course he tricked all you bitches
JHabinek: for in the depths of his basement, he crafted the One Server, and he datalinked it to the other servers
WebOfThorns: That bastard
JHabinek: *resists the temptation to turn this into a parable about the information awareness office*
JHabinek: and it enslaved them, and bound them to its will
WebOfThorns: you making this up?
WebOfThorns: nice! go on.
JHabinek: the EQ players feel its power at all times
JHabinek: they are slaves to its will, neither living nor dead
WebOfThorns: go on
WebOfThorns: It speaks of It! The precioussss! Where is it??
JHabinek: No dude, let it go, man! Its pure muthafuckin' evil
WebOfThorns: He's tricksy, he is! We shouldn't listen to him. He wants the precious for himself!
JHabinek: Fight it, man!
JHabinek: oh well, i'm over it
WebOfThorns: You can't have it!
WebOfThorns: It's mine!
WebOfThorns: My precious!
JHabinek: i wish i could tell you the story of how a coalition of tabletop gamers and hot chicks finally defeated the menace of sauron's virtual world
JHabinek: but it didn't happen
WebOfThorns: you should write something up
JHabinek: Dude, do you take me for a cheap conjuror of tricks?
JHabinek: I'm not trying to rob you
JHabinek: I'm trying to help you
WebOfThorns: Yes... yes
JHabinek: yeah, i may have to copy this into the LJ
JHabinek: so, sup?
WebOfThorns: playing EQ
I think my quick thinking ought to be put to better uses. Let me also note, for his protection, that many of ol' Thornsie's Gollumisms were inserted by me, as I fashion myself his other evil personality (not, admittedly, his other, evil, personality).
|Thursday, December 19th, 2002|
I hate vacations. There aren't many things that I require, but amongst them are the following-
1) a rock-solid routine
3) long walks
I don't get the first two over vacations because, well, its a vacation, and I can't do the last because back in LA I live in the fucking ghetto. Its very irritating. There aren't even classes I could audit, like over summer.
Actually, while the above *is* true, I'm just bitter for other reasons. I just got my grades for winter quarter. An A+ and three A-'s. I know this is gonna sound ridiculous to just about everyone else, but that's way below my personal standards. I've gotten straight A's for a year now, and then this... I knew I was going to get at least one, but three? Ugh. I guess it was a tough quarter for me all around, but... well, it wasn't. I have the easiest life on the face of the planet, and I can't even get one thing right.
That's not what really bothers me, though. I mean, it *was* kind of a crappy quarter all over, and that's okay. There are reasons I was so sub-par this quarter. Only I don't know how to fix those any of problems, and if I can't fix 'em, I can't do better next quarter, and *that* really worries me. Current Mood: anxious
|Monday, December 2nd, 2002|
|Sunday, December 1st, 2002|
|Confessions of a Megalomaniac
We all make our world. The mind can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven. But its more than that. Our actions shape the world around us. Admittedly, we can't control everything. That semi is probably gonna get you no matter how hard you think that you're tougher than it. Amor fatis. That's not the whole story, though. We can nevertheless carve out little niches in the world for ourselves, and in the end all we can really nope for to to live that little niche to the finest, drink that life to its lees.
I realized tonight that I'm not following my own advice. I blame Nietzsche. He told us that we ought to write new values on new tablets, and constantly reach out and shape the whole world to match our minds. Fellow creators the creator wants. Companions, not corpses, not herds bah blah blah. Somehow I got it into my head that we shouldn't just shape the world for ourselves, but I should try to shape the world for others, too(Needless to say, I may have overextended myself). Not that I intend to be totalitarian about things, but rather I really try to communicate my unique perspective to others. That's the unifying theme, y'know? I really want people to see the world as I do. That's the man behind the curtain, shaping all my interests. The political radicalism is an obvious connection. The art and writing, too- Just a way of passing on my ideas. The jokes, the sarcasm, the random info, too. A joke is just drawing a connection between two things that had previously seemed unconnected. In doing so, you stimulate more little centers in the brain thn the unconnected ideas did on their own. That's why you enjoy it. Same with art- forms that stimulate more bits in your tectum than a normal image would. Its like Mr. Ibis said. The tale is the map that is territory. The imaginative recreation is truer than truer.
Its all neurophysiology when you get down to it. Everything we do, just patterns of stimulation in the brain. Its good that we see that these days, maybe things will finally start to fall into place. All fields of human knowledge, reduced to one.
Vernor Vinge might tell you that such a singularity, such an understanding of ourselve sis the key ingredient in creating a mind greater than our own. Wonder what happens to the obsolete model? Maybe with all our battles won, with benevolent children, we'll slip into decay and decadence, passing away with a whisper. Mythology would suggest that we'll try to hold on to authority which is no longer rightfully ours, and end up like the Titans, or the elder Mesopotamian gods. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing. If you listen to Keats or Dan Simmons, maybe what will ultimately define our humanity is whether we go quietly into the night, or if we choose to fight that last unwinnable battle. Something to ponder.
I seem to be rambling
Nietzsche gave us two interesting little examples of nigh-ubermenschen, folks who really did write those new tablets. Gaius Julius Caesar and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. In the final analysis I don't have the balls of Caesar or the heart of Goethe. But its worth a shot to fight that unwinnable battle, perhaps? In a way, we're all fighting an unwinnable battle. We all die. We all go into the night, whether peacefully and quietly (like my grandfather) or kicking and screaming (like his passengers). Our little struggles to carve out the world for ourselves, our desperate losing battle against time, the finest expression of our humanity.
Not that I'd have it any other way.
|Thursday, November 28th, 2002|
|Thanksgiving Dinner, Round One
Okay, in my family, we start really early so we can make multiple attacks are the ridiculous amount of food we've got. Here are some stats:
Turkey weight: 21lbs
# of pies: 5
Strange part of the turkey utilized, despite the fact that you'd've thought it was completely useless: the neck (in the soup)
Points recieved on first burp of the meal (mine):
Tonal Quality: 9
Duration: 5 (sorry, guys)
BONUS QUESTION: What was the actual main course at the first Thanksgiving? Current Mood: full
|Wednesday, November 20th, 2002|
|Odds and Ends
Well, I was originally just gonna post some more dreams of mine, but then shit, as it is often wont to do, went down. So Bridgett got herself a boyfriend over the summer. Definitely woulda been nice to know, you know, earlier. She didn't even bother to tell me- a friend of hers broke it to me. Whatever. I guess I'm a bit crushed. On reflection, mostly I'm scared, though. Is this the shape of my whole future? It certainly has already become a recurrent theme. It occurs to me that all my heroes were sad, broken men who lived miserable, lonely lives. Goddammit.
Oh well, so on to the dreams: Last night, I dreamed I was sitting in my living room in L.A., arranged as it was way back when I was a kid, with Scott, Jennifer and some girl. I don't know who the girl was, but I was sure we'd been going out, but had broken up, yet were still, uh, friendly (I remember making out with her at some point). We were trying to decide on -and this is where it becomes a Jacob dream- what variety of genetically engineered domesticated carnivorous guard deer we were gonna purchase. Or we may have just been debating the relative qualities of those on the market. I just remember I was complaining about how the various manufactures had ceased to come up with new ideas, but had been so busy at copying each other's successes for so long that they each produced virtually the same three varieties of deer- one that looked a bit like a kangaroo (and was from my high school sketchbook), on with kind of a funny snout, and one I can't remember. I also remember that one of the nastier old varieties had been unfortunately released into the wild, but fortunately was currently completely contained riparian zones in Columbia.
The night before that wasn't quite so creative. Mostly it involved hanging out with two former crushes of mine- both beginning, oddly enough, with S, then visiting a series of bizarre apartment complexes: one huge and complex, the other consisting of dozens of tiny buildings, each the size of and containing exactly one residence hall room (with a bunk bed and desks). Eventually I've got to take one of the S's somewhere- it turns out to be the airport. On the way we go past the harbor, and rising from the usual warships are thousands of helicopters, some of which are, strangely, completely translucent, like the Visible Man, if you guys have ever seen those. Anyhow, we get to the airport, she leaves, and I take an escalator up to a concrete rooftop, under a clear blue sky. There's a plastic picnic table up there, and someone from my genetics class last srping is sitting there. I pay my regards and walk by, out to where the roof becomes a concrete bridge stretching out over a canyon, but as a I begin to cross the bridge, I'm suddenly filled with anxiety and start running back where I came from. As a look over my shoulder, I see a grey attack helicopter rising up from the canyon. I here several cracks and realize its shooting at me. Two more cracks, then a thud and I can't see out of my left eye, and two more thumps to the chest and I can't run anymore. Staring out with my one good eye, I lie on the concrete, wondering all those big questions about life for what I know is the last time, and in my head I start pleading to any gods out there to have pity upon me as the blackness begins to engulf me. And yeah, then I wake up.
Any comments? Current Mood: blank
|Saturday, November 16th, 2002|
|Freakishly on target
Jacob, your unconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity
This means you are full of questions about life, people, and the potential of your future. You spend more time than others envisioning the possibilities of your life — things that others are too afraid to consider.
Your curiosity burns with an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself or the world — which ultimately is the greatest way for you to feel satisfied.
It is possible that the underlying reason for your drive towards curiosity is a deeply rooted fear of boredom. That means that you are probably more susceptible than others to feel like you're falling into a rut when life slows down into a comfortable routine.
You need to make sure you have stimulation in your life — that makes you feel like you're innovating or being exposed to the ideas and experiences that truly inspire you.
With such a strong orientation towards curiosity, you're also prone to a rebellious quality that shows up when you feel you are just going through the motions, and are unable to really influence the world around you. But interestingly enough, your drive towards novel experiences also indicates an openness others don't have, but wish they did.
Unconsciously, your curiosity presses you to learn more, experience more, and get the most out of life.
Of course, looking over the alternate possibilities, most people would respond well to any of them. Its rather like getting your fortune read.
Theme for a story: Alienation. What do human beings believe in? FIll with emotion? I find it truly amazing the way people people can invest so much thought an emotion into things that aren't even real in a practical sense (Gods, cars, your celebrity-lust-of-choice), and have no sympathy for other human beings whose lives are just as valid as their own (all those people we condemn death by a push of a button or by mere indifference). Not that I'm saying I'm any better, or that I see any solution, but it reveals something quite disturbing about human nature. What's more, with our tools and machines doing more and more of our thinking with each passing day... who (or what) is really human and what's not?